Kita Putus!

Dear Emjay,

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it last year when you peed your pants with Jean Chrétien and I saw you drive over the elephant in the corner. I’m sure you’re middle-class enough to understand that I’m allergic to your earlobes. I’m returning your old New Kids on the Block blanket & the cut toenails to you, but I’ll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I mocked you constantly behind your back and you should stop picking your nose.

Warm tingly sensation,

Linda

Okay, I'm not breaking up with Orlando Bloom...we're good. Believe me, all those things with that Miranda-what's-her-name is just a distraction so I won't be bugged by paparazzis. I'm no famewhore, biyatch!.

Here's how to compose the above letter:-

-INSTRUCTIONS-

Dear (someone you recently talked to),

I don’t really know how to tell you this,(1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I’m sure you’re (6) enough to understand (7). I’m returning your (8) to you, but I’ll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).

(12),

Name

1. What’s the color of your shirt?

Blue – I’m in love with your cat

Red – Our affair is over

White – I’m joining the Convent

Black -Our romance is over

Green- Our socks don’t match

Grey – You’re a leprechaun

Yellow – I’m selling myself for candy

Pink – Your nostrils are insulting

Brown – The mafia wants you

No shirt – Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you

Other – I dislike your eyelashes

2. Which is your birth month?

January – That night you picked your nose

February – When I quoted Forrest Gump

March – When your dwarf bit me

April – When I tripped on peanut butter

May – When I threw up in your sock drawer

June – When you put cuffs on me

July – When I saw the purple monkey

August – When you smacked my ass

September – Last year when you peed your pants

October – When we skinny dipped in the bathtub

November – When your dog humped my leg

December – When I finally changed my underwear

3. Which food do you prefer?

Tacos – When we skinny dipped in the bathtub

Chicken- In your car

Pasta – Outside of your office

Hamburgers – Under the bus

Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner

Lasagna – In your closet

Kebab – With Jean Chrétien

Fish – In a clown suit

Sandwiches – At the Elton John concert

Pizza – At the mental hospital

Hot dog – Under a street light

Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4. What’s the color of your socks?

Yellow – Ignore

Red – Put whipped cream on

Black – Hit on

Blue – Knock out

Purple – Pour syrup on

White – Carve your initials into

Grey – Pull the clothes off

Brown – bit of

Orange – Castrate

Pink – Pull the pants off of

Barefoot – Sit on

Other – Drive over

5. What’s the color of your underwear?

Black – My boyfriend

White – My father

Grey – The Catholic Priest

Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie

Purple – My corned beef hash

Red – My knee caps

Blue – My salt-beef bucket

Yellow – My illegitimate child in Ghana

Orange – My Blink 182 cd

Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection

Other –The elephant in the corner

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?

One Tree Hill – Senile

Heroes- Frostbitten

Lost – High

Simpsons- Cowardly

The news – Scarred

American Idol – Masochistic

Family Guy – Open

Top Model – Middle-class

Annat – shamed

7. Your mood right now?

Happy – How awful you are

Sad – How boring you are

Bored – That I get turned on only by garbage men

Angry – That your smell makes me vomit

Depressed – That we’re related

Excited – That I may pee my pants

Nervous – The middle-east is planning their revenge on you

Worried – That your Ford sucks

Apathetic – That you need a sex-change

Silly – That I’m allergic to your earlobes

Cuddly – That Santa doesn’t exist

Ashamed – That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid

Other – That your driving sucks

8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?

White – Your toe ring

Yellow – Your love letters to me

Red – The pictures from Vegas

Black – Your pet rock

Blue – The couch cushions

Green – Your car

Orange – Your false teeth

Brown – Your nose hair clippers

Grey – Our matching snoopy underwear

Purple – Your old New Kids on the Block blanket

Pink – The cut toenails

Other – Your Hannah Montana underwear

9. The first letter of your first name?

A/B – My virginity

C/D – Your photo with the moustache drawn on it

E/F – Your neighbors dog

G/H – The oil tank from your car

I/J – Your left ear

K/L – The results of that blood-sample

M/N – Your glass eye

O/P – My common sense

Q/R – Your mom

S/T – Your collection of butterflies

U/V – Your criminal record

W/X – Your sucide note

Y/Z – Your credit cards

10. The last letter in your last name?

A/B – Love your sweet, sweet ass

C/D – Always will remember the pep talks

E/F -Never will forget that night

G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.

I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly

K/L – Hate your cooking

M/N – Told in my confession today about the moose poaching

O/P – Told my psychiatrist about the bruises

Q/R – Always wanted to break your legs

S/T – Get sick when I think of your feet

U/V – Will try to forget that you broke my heart

W/X – Haven’t showered in a month

Y/Z – am better off without you

11. What do you prefer to drink?

Wine- Our friendship is ruined

Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon

Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo

Milk – The apartment building is on fire

Water – I’m scratching my butt as you read this

Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice

Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war

Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked

Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird

Whiskey – I love Oprah Winfrey

Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine

Other – you should stop picking your nose

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?

Thailand – Warm tingly sensations

Australia – Best of luck on the sex change

France – Love always

Spain – With tears of sadness

China – You make me sick

Germany – Please don’t hurt me

Japan – Go milk a cow

Greece – Your everlasting enemy

USA – Greetings to your frog Leonard

Egypt – Kiss my butt

England – Go drown yourself.

Enjoy!